


Family of Six

by regnbaggen



Series: I'm Not a Stranger to The Dark [3]
Category: Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Alfred Pennyworth is So Done, Alfred Pennyworth is the Best, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Bruce Wayne Has Issues, Bruce Wayne Tries to Be a Good Parent, Characters Watching Disney Movies, Dick Grayson Needs a Hug, Dick Grayson is a Talon, Dick Grayson-centric, Gen, Good Grandparent Alfred Pennyworth, Jason Todd Needs A Hug, Kid Dick Grayson, Protective Jason Todd, Romani Dick Grayson, Swearing, bc he leaving Dick, but not anymore, kinda tho, like he still got some healing stuff, with Bruce's shit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-27
Updated: 2021-01-27
Packaged: 2021-03-13 11:33:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,600
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29028009
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/regnbaggen/pseuds/regnbaggen
Summary: Jason has to leave for an undercover mission, leaving Dick alone with the rest of the family for a month. Dick's not okay with that and if Jason's honest; he's not really okay with that either. The rest of the family steps up though and Tim Drake is proving to have some real emotional intelligence along with some big brother vibes. Damian's just a little shit who's too stuck-up to tell Dick that he likes him but we still love him.Also? Alfred is SO done with Bruce's emotional range of a cucumber shit.
Relationships: Dick Grayson & Alfred Pennyworth, Dick Grayson & Bruce Wayne, Dick Grayson & Damian Wayne, Dick Grayson & Jason Todd, Tim Drake & Dick Grayson, at least a beginning of friendship
Series: I'm Not a Stranger to The Dark [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2105457
Comments: 15
Kudos: 139





	Family of Six

**Author's Note:**

> This is not really edited, I'll try to edit it as best as I can as soon as I can, basically whenever I can lol.
> 
> Check ages in series description
> 
> EDIT: Soooo I counted wrong and no one noticed.... I knew that I was bad at math but this was terrible.... seven??? six???? I don't know anymore dude

"I won't be gone for long, you'll be fine." Jason soothes as Dick hides his face into Jason's stomach.

Jason was leaving him. Apparently he had to go out on some mission for one month, he hadn't told Dick about it but Dick had heard him and Mr. Wayne talking about some deep underground network that only Jason could infiltrate. It was currently around midnight and Jason was _leaving_ , leaving Dick all alone.

"Don't go, _please_ don't go." Dick cries into Jason's sweatshirt and Jason strokes his back.

" _Dickie_ I have to. I'll come back, I promise I'll come back and we can do something fun then. Maybe we can go to the zoo once I'm back? You'd like that, right? Just the two of us and some animals hanging out." Jason murmurs and Dick shakes his head.

He didn't want that, he wanted Jason to stay and Dick would rather never see an animal again if that would secure Jason for him.

There's a knock on Jason's bedroom door and Dick instinctively fists his hands tighter in Jason's now wet sweatshirt.

"Master Jason, it's time." Alfred's voice states and Dick lets out another sob.

"Don't! Please, you told me that you wouldn't leave me! You promised me!" Dick is barely aware of his voice rising, that he's growing more panicked by the second as Jason thanks Alfred.

"It's going to be okay Dickie. I'll come back, I always come back." Jason promises, gently prying Dick's hands off his sweatshirt. 

Dick looks up with tear-filled eyes into Jason's sad ones.

"I'm sorry, I'll be back before you know it." Jason murmurs and Dick shakes his head wildly, but it doesn't matter.

Jason lets go of his hands and walks out of the room, leaving Dick all alone. Dick doesn't chase after him, it wouldn't change anything. Jason would only leave him twice, so Dick lets Alfred sit down on the bed next to him and hug him while Dick sobs against him.

"It will be alright Master Dick, you'll see." Alfred consoles and Dick wants to scream, wants to break something but he stays in Alfred's arms until he falls asleep from exhaustion.

.

The days grow meaningless. Dick wakes up from nightmares of Jason dying; sometimes he's falling like Dick's parents, other times it's Dick who kills him while he's Talon. 

It's been a week and Dick is woken up by the taste of blood. At first he doesn't realise where the blood is coming from, he can just taste it and it's everywhere. When Dick touches his face he spots blood on his hands. A scream escapes him and Dick tries to hurry out of the bed, scared of what he'll find next to him, what if Jason's corpse is there? Dick falls out of the bed, tangled up in the sheets and his bedroom door is opened only seconds later. Mr. Wayne is standing in the doorway, looking down at him on the floor as he flicks on the lights.

Dick feels his tears mixing with the blood and Mr. Wayne looks scary. Scary enough that Dick starts crying louder.

Mr. Wayne only stares at him until Alfred hurries into the room, dressed in his light blue pyjamas.

"What on earth is going on?" He asks, looking at both Dick and Mr. Wayne.

"I don't-" Mr. Wayne's cut off by Alfred telling him to get a wet towel before hurrying forward to Dick.

Alfred kneels down and helps Dick out of the sheets before gently grabbing his face.

"It's alright Master Dick, you're okay." Alfred soothes and Dick shakes his head, showing Alfred his bloodied hands.

"Yes, it is alright, the blood comes from your nose. Master Bruce hold that against his face while I prepare a bath for him." Alfred orders and Dick would have laughed at Mr. Wayne's bewildered expression if he wasn't busy with freaking out.

"Al-"

"Master Bruce!" Alfred's voice turns hard and Mr. Wayne quickly closes his mouth before walking towards Dick, showing him the wet towel.

"There's blood, there's... Jason." Dick hiccups and Mr. Wayne frowns.

"It's not Jason's blood, it's just- wait Dick don't-" Mr. Wayne stops himself as Dick tries to wipe all of the blood off his face and hands and onto his black t-shirt.

"I don't want it, get- get it off of me!" Dick's barely aware of his own shouting but Mr. Wayne's hands are suddenly grabbing his wrists and forced Dick to look up at him.

"It's okay, don't look at it. Look at me, here I'll put this over your nose to stop it." Mr. Wayne slowly shows Dick the wet towel before gently pushing it under Dick's nose.

Dick keeps his gaze on Mr. Wayne, on the way his brows are almost touching, the way his deep eyes stay focused on Dick's nose and the way his mouth is turned downwards.

"That's it. It's okay now, take a couple of deep breaths." Mr. Wayne's voice still sounded strained, like he was uncomfortable with the whole ordeal.

"Do you hate me?" Dick whispers once his breathing had slowed and his tears had stopped.

Mr. Wayne stays quiet for a moment, gaze leaving Dick's face and instead moving to look somewhere behind Dick.

"No I don't. I realise that I haven't been as welcoming as I should have been, I had some prejudice against you after you had been a part of the Court of Owls." Mr. Wayne explains and Dick sniffles.

"Why are you and Jason always fighting?" Dick asks after awhile and Mr. Wayne sighs.

"It's complicated. We don't have to talk about it now." Mr. Wayne answers and Dick looks away.

Alfred walks back into the room and announces that the bath is prepared. Alfred guides Dick up and takes him to the bathroom, gently helping him out of the oversized t-shirt before he gets inside. Dick's happy that Mr. Wayne doesn't follow them into the bathroom, Alfred and Jason were the only ones that had seen his scars and they were used to it. Dick didn't want anyone staring or making him uncomfortable right now, not when Jason wasn't there to help him.

"Would you like me to stay or leave Master Dick?" Alfred asks and Dick shrugs.

It might be nice if he starts disappearing again, Alfred and Jason had helped him understand that during times when he kind of disappears into his own head or just feels as if he's floating away from everything he's actually doing something called dissociating. Jason had explained it as something Dick did when he felt stressed or scared and that it wasn't anything dangerous, but that he was to be aware of it. 

"Maybe stay? Can you- can you tell me a story? A-And ask me about it while you're telling it? Jason does that... he- he's..." Dick trails off, suddenly feeling stupid but Alfred nods, sitting down on the toilet seat with the lid down.

"Of course, how about I tell you about when Master Jason and I made our first cake together? It was a beautiful chocolate cake for his birthday." Alfred starts and they stay in the bathroom; Alfred telling Dick about it while Dick comments when Alfred asks him. 

It makes it easier to stay, Jason had told him that it was better if he tried to deal with his emotions and thoughts instead of dissociating. Once the water has grown cold Alfred helps him get dry before finding Dick a soft sweatshirt that's Jason along with a pair of soft pants. Alfred also stays with Dick, sitting on the bed next to him until Dick slowly falls back asleep, one hand clutching Alfred's sleeve on his cotton pyjamas.

.

Dick didn't think that he'd wake up with Alfred still next to him but he does. Dick realises that he still has a grip on Alfred's sleeve and that Alfred was still asleep, snoring softly with his back to the headboard.

Dick slowly lets go of him before crawling out of the bed before sneaking out of the room, closing the door softly behind himself. He was hungry, and there was some delicious cereal waiting for him in the kitchen. Dick almost trips down the stairs over his too big sweatpants but manages to catch himself enough to make a flip down the rest of them.

He hurries into the kitchen, climbing up on the counter before standing and reaching into the cupboard. Alfred had moved the cereal to a different shelf, one that was higher up than the first. Dick tries to reach it, he really does, in fact, he tries so hard that he doesn't hear the sound of anyone entering until a deep voice utters "Are you supposed to be doing that?" 

Dick immediately flinches, losing his balance and tripping backwards, falling from the counter and towards the tiled kitchen floor.

Strong big arms catch him and Dick turns to see Mr. Wayne's serious face above him and Dick immediately scrambles out of his hold.

"I- I wanted cereal." Dick explains, steadying himself against the kitchen table, eyes stuck on Mr. Wayne's grey slippers.

"Okay, I can-" Mr. Wayne gestures towards the cupboard and Dick nods slowly, inching close enough to climb up on one of the chairs. 

The awkwardness between them was unmistakable and Dick wished that he could just leave but that would be rude and besides, Dick really wanted his cereal. Mr. Wayne pours the cereal in one of the white bowls, gently putting it in front of Dick along with a spoon.

"So... do you want to tell me a little bit about yourself?" Mr. Wayne asks, sitting down in front of Dick with his hands clasped in from of him on the table. 

"Uhm... what do you want to know?" Dick asks, shovelling in some of the cereal in his mouth.

"What are you interests? What do you enjoy doing? I've seen you and Jason playing basketball together and I heard that you like... elephants?" Mr. Wayne raises one eyebrow and Dick nods slowly.

"I like elephants, there was an elephant in the circus when I was... well, her name is Zitka and she was my best friend at the circus." Dick explains slowly, daring a quick look up at Mr. Wayne.

"Oh, I only know some of the things you did at the circus. You were a trapeze artist, right?" Mr. Wayne asks and Dick nods "Do you... do you go to circuses Mr. Wayne?" Dick asks, biting his lip and Mr. Wayne sends him a surprised look.

"You don't have to call me Mr. Wayne, you can call me Bruce, or you _can_ call me whatever you want, but you don't _have to_ call me Mr. Wayne. I haven't been to circuses much, I... I actually went to-"

"Father, where is Pennyworth? I acquire his assistance." Damian's voice interrupts Mr. Wayne- Bruce. 

"He's resting Damian, what do you need help with?" Bruce asks and Dick turns to see Damian in his Gotham Academy blazer along with a book.

"I need some assistance with my homework, I was under the impression that you were not available." Damian explains, moving over to their table and setting down his math book between them.

Dick watches the equations in it and zeroes in on one of them that Damian has circled.

"You'll have to subtract the dominator with-"

"It's three point fourteen." Dick suddenly interrupts and both of the Wayne's look up at him.

"Grayson you cannot possibly understand this level of-"

"It's pi, they cancel each other out and then those two are unsolvable, leaving them out of the equation. The rest becomes pi." Dick points to the different parts of the equation, Damian's mouth closes and his face turns into a sneer.

"You must have cheated, there is no way that you-"

"Damian." Bruce scolds and Damian turns and leaves without a word. 

"Dick, what kind of education did you have before you... when you knew Jason." Bruce asks and Dick shrugs.

"We had school at Linden, but my parents homeschooled me before that. Is there- did I do something wrong?" Dick asks and Bruce shakes his head.

"Of course not, I was just wondering. Damian takes a harder math than the usual math kids his age do and he struggles with that. Do you know if the Court gave you physiological abilities or enhanced your IQ?" Bruce asks and Dick shakes his head, turning his gaze back down at his cereal.

It wasn't like that, Dick had always been like this. He remembers when he was at Linden, how Jason had told him that he was smart. Jason had told him that people didn't like that because he was better than they were, not that Dick agreed but Jason had told him that the rest of the people at Linden were stupid and sucked and Dick had just been happy that Jason wasn't swearing.

"We'll probably have to do another blood sample, just to see if there's anything else we missed. We'll have to do a brain scan too in case it won't show with the blood sample." Bruce hums to himself and Dick tenses.

He didn't like blood samples, or needles in general. Dick didn't like anything hospital-related after his memories on how the court had made him Talon, it had been painful and taken them months to find the perfect substances to inject Dick with. 

A little while later Alfred enters the kitchen and Dick sends him a small smile, letting Alfred start a conversation with Bruce. Dick slips away, finished with his cereal and Bruce hadn't told Dick when he wanted to do the blood sample so Dick hurries up the stairs, running right into Tim on his way to Jason's room.

"Whoa Dick-" Tim manages to fall with his laptop tightly held in his arms.

"Sorry- sorry." Dick quickly gets up, managing to get to Jason's room and closing the door behind himself.

Dick quickly climbs back on the bed, burying his face into Jason's pillow.

"Dick?" Tim's voice asks through the door, a soft knock following.

Dick stares at the door until he reluctantly gets out of the bed, still clutching Jason's pillow as he opens the door.

Tim's standing outside with a concerned look on his face.

"Yes?" Dick asks, watching Tim scratch the back of his neck with the hand not holding his laptop.

"I... you didn't seem okay, I was just wondering how you are. I know that you're sad that Jason isn't here and... I guess I just want you to know that you're one of us now, that you have more people than just Jason, you have a family of... six now, _Jesus_ we're growing bigger and bigger." Tim stumbles over his words and Dick swallows.

"It's okay, you don't have to say that. I know that I'm not like any of you, it's okay." Dick finally breathes out and Tim shakes his head.

"Our family isn't measured of how similar we are, if it were then none of us would be a part of it. I just wanted you to know that if something happens, you will always have a home here." Tim continues and Dick bites his lip hard.

Tim looks down at his watch before looking back up at Dick "I have to get to school, but if you want we could do something when I get back? I don't know what you like but I'm sure we can find something to do." Tim states, sending Dick a smile and Dick only nods back.

Tim walks away, leaving Dick staring after him.

Jason had told Dick that Tim was the smart one, but Jason hadn't told Dick about Tim's emotional intelligence. Dick turns back to the room, closing the door behind him for a second time. Dick changes out of his clothes and puts on a pair of black jeans and a knitted dark blue sweater that Jason had gotten him when Dick had told Jason that he liked knitted blankets because they were cosy and reminded him of his parents.

There was a small chance that Bruce had to go to work and that meant that the blood sample wouldn't be done until later tonight. Dick would just have to go to bed earlier and hopefully Bruce would forget about it.

.

Bruce had left for work, leaving only Alfred and Dick to the big manor. Dick spent some time with Alfred, watching him cooking and talking about some of his memories from when he was young. Dick spent some time in the garden while Alfred cleaned the house, watching the growing flowers and doing some flips from the big oak tree in the garden. Alfred wouldn't approve if he saw Dick, but Dick made sure that no one was looking when he did it. He liked doing flips, he missed flying. The way he used to fly through the air, soar like a bird over the ground while everything else disappeared. Dick remembers when he was Talon, he still flew back then, only swapping the trapeze for a grappling line.

The sound of a car pulling up caused Dick to quickly hurry out of the garden and back inside the manor through the backdoor. Dick hurries towards the main hall where Tim and Damian were walking inside. A thought suddenly strikes Dick and Dick quickly hides behind a pillar by the main hall. What if Tim had forgotten about his promise? What if Tim didn't want to anymore?

"Dick?" Tim's voice forced Dick away from the pillar and Dick spots Tim standing a few feet away, sending Dick an unsure smile.

"I have some homework, but we could do something after?" Tim explains and Dick swallows, nodding slowly.

"Perhaps Grayson wants to help you with your homework Drake. He solved my homework and we both know that I am already seen as a prodigy." Damian's voice causes Dick to look towards the big staircase where Damian was sneering.

"Is that true Dick?" Tim asks and Dick turns back towards Tim who was watching him with surprised eyes.

Dick shrugs and Damian huffs, walking back down the stairs towards them.

"How about a competition Grayson? Let us see who can finish it first, if I win I prove that you were cheating this morning." Damian states and Dick bites his lip.

"Damian stop don't force him to-"

"Okay, but if I win you let me borrow you book." Dick interrupts and Damian huffs before telling Dick that he was stupid.

All three of them move to one of the living room, sitting down by the big oak table. Damian hands Dick some paper and a pencil along with what Tim explains is an eraser to erase mistakes. Dick nods and Tim starts the timer.

The equations were difficult, but nothing that Dick didn't immediately understand. By the time Dick is done Damian's only halfway through.

"You're cheating! You're only writing down the answers!" Damian accuses and Dick frowns.

"I can explain it, but isn't the answer the important part?" 

Tim checks his answers and nods.

"Wow this is... really good Dick, and you did all of the problems in your head? All of them are right but you're supposed to write down the way you're solving it, like Damian is doing. Do you want to see some of my math problems?" Tim asks and Dick nods as Damian grumbles beside him.

Tim's book was harder than Damian's, it had things that Dick hadn't seen before and Tim used something he called a calculator. Dick usually did everything in his head but the calculator helped and after Tim showed him some 'rules' that he had to follow Dick quickly understood most of the problems.

"Wow, you're really smart Dick. Have you always been this good at math?" Tim asks and Dick shrugs.

"I think so, my mom and dad taught me and they told me I was smart." Dick utters the last part quietly, eyes moving down onto Tim's book.

"Well they're right, you are really smart. Do you like math?" Tim asks and Dick nods.

"It's nice." 

It was hard to explain what the nice part of doing math was. The calmness, stillness, the way everything had an answer, the way Dick could find problems and solve them, control something in his life, help something in his life.

"Grayson, I demand you explain question number four if you wish not to be called a cheater." Damian threatens and Dick feels something warm inside of him.

"Okay." He answers, pointing at the different parts of the equation before explaining how it all fit to Damian.

At some point Alfred walks inside, startled at what he sees.

"Alfred Dick is really smart!" Tim explains and Dick suddenly realises that he's blushing.

Alfred watches some of the equations that Dick solves and praises Dick before leaving. He comes back with some snacks; glasses of milk and some cookies. Dick happily eats most of the cookies, Damian claiming that he doesn't enjoy childish cookies and Tim explaining that he doesn't like sweetness. Dick doesn't understand why Alfred smiles when he leaves, but he munches on an elephant cookie without questioning it.

Once the homework is finished Damian tells them that he'll be in his room. Dick watches him leave without his book, leaving it on the table. Dick tries to tell him but Damian ignores him and leaves the room. Dick looks down at the book, glancing at the different math problems.

"What do you want to do now?" Tim asks and Dick swallows before closing the book.

"I don't know, what do you want to do?" 

"Maybe watch a movie? Do you know what you like?" Tim asks and Dick shrugs.

"Animals." 

"Okay, have you ever seen Disney?" Tim asks and Dick shakes his head, following Dick to the couch.

Tim puts on a movie called ' _Bambi_ ' and explains that they're watching the second movie because it's less sad but Dick still thinks it's sad, although Bambi's adventures with his friends were funny. Dick knows that he'll never have friends like Bambi, but sometimes he wished that he did. Sometimes he misses Jack, at least how Jack was in the beginning of their friendship.

"Do you have friends like Bambi?" Dick asks while they're watching the credits roll past the screen.

Tim seems surprised by Dick's question, but he nods and explains that he's part of a big team where they're all friends.

"How is it? To have friends, is it like the movie?" Dick asks, eyes still plastered on the screen.

"It's similar to the movie. You do fun stuff together and they're there for you if you have a problem." Tim explains and Dick nods.

"Do you... have you ever had mean friends?" Dick asks and Tim's eyes move towards him.

"Well... sometimes friends do mean things to each other without meaning to. You can do mean things without being mean, you know?" Tim explains and Dick nods slowly.

"So... if Bambi's friend would have let Ronno be mean to him, they wouldn't actually be bad friends?" Dick asks and Tim nods.

"They could still be bad friends at the moment, but it wouldn't mean that they were bad friends all of the time." Tim states and Dick nods slowly. "Do you- did you have any friends when you and Jason were at Linden?" Tim asks and Dick swallows.

"I had one friend, his name was Jack." Dick answers and Tim nods, not pressuring him to continue.

"I- I want to ask a question and Jason didn't like him so he always answered the same thing. If Jack... if he did something bad to me without meaning to, was he a bad friend all of the time then?" Dick asks, finally looking up at Tim.

"Well, not necessarily. I don't know what he did, but do you think he did it because he wanted to or because he felt forced to? Sometimes people do mean things because they feel like they have no choice, not because they want to." Tim explains and Dick nods slowly.

"I don't think Jack had a choice." 

"Okay, then he still did something bad but maybe he wasn't a bad person." Tim's voice was calm and Dick found himself relaxing.

Tim was smart, he was really smart. Jack hadn't had a choice, of course not. He had told Dick that he needed Tony's protection and that he still liked Dick. 

"Do you want to watch another movie?" Tim asks and Dick nods as Tim puts on a movie called Ice Age.

Damian joins them after a couple of minutes, claiming that he's bored and in need of entertainment. Dick sits in the middle with significant room between each person beside him, pulling his legs up to his chest before hugging them with his arms.

Bruce comes home in the middle of the movie, greeting them before leaving to go and find Alfred. Dick sags in relief, maybe Bruce had forgotten about the blood sample. 

.

Later during dinner time Alfred serves them some type of soup while they all sit around the big dining table and Dick eats it quietly. Damian is talking about his latest art project when Tim suddenly decides to tell Bruce about Dick's intelligence.

"Yes, I was with him when he solved Damian's homework this morning. We're going to run some tests to see if it's a part of his previous life." Bruce states and Dick shrinks in his chair while wishing that Tim had never brought it up.

"It's not, he told me that he's always been good at math. I think he might be gifted, or at least have a high IQ." Tim argues and Dick continues to keep his gaze at his plate.

"It can't hurt to run some more tests, we'll do them as soon as we're finished with dinner." Bruce's voice was final and Tim turns quiet. 

It takes Dick some time until he realises that Tim's looking at him, studying him. Dick sends him a weak smile before turning back to his food.

"I don't think you need to do more tests Bruce. Dick's proved himself enough and if he doesn't want to he shouldn't have to." Tim suddenly forces and Dick immediately looks up at him.

Bruce turns quiet and Alfred seems to hover by the table instead of going back to the kitchen.

"Dick, is that how you feel? That you don't want to take a blood sample or the scan?" Bruce asks after a moment of silence.

"I don't like needles, or anything _medical_." Dick mumbles out, still staring at his soup.

"I agree with Drake. Grayson has done enough to prove that the pathetic but still valuable person he is, is made up of who _he_ is and not what the Court of Owls made him." Damian agrees and Dick feels himself blushing for a second time.

He didn't like the attention on him, not when everyone were tense and awkward. 

"Very well then, Dick you don't have to do anything you don't want to." Bruce nods and Dick sags with relief.

"I think he would like going to school Bruce, he's smart and could have the same classes as Damian. He shouldn't have to be stuck here at the manor every day." Tim continues and Dick swallows another spoonful of soup so he doesn't have to comment on anything.

"Tim we can discuss this during another time, I think Dick enjoys not being thrust into society right away. He needs time to find himself and-"

"Father he already-"

"May I be excused?" Dick interrupts and Alfred is the one to accept his request.

Dick quickly slips away from the room, walking to the library instead of Jason's bedroom. Dick grabs one of Jason's favourite books; Jane Eyre. Dick wasn't as good at reading as he was at math but holding Jason's favourite book made Dick feel closer to Jason. 

Jason's family was a lot like Jason himself, everyone wanted to tell Dick what he should do, how he felt, who he was. Dick didn't like that. He appreciated the way they tried to make him feel safe and comfortable but he didn't like it when they made decisions without him and spoke about him without being able to say anything against it.

If Dick wanted something to change then he would say it, or at least try to. At least give an indication, maybe talk to Alfred or Jason about it. Jason usually accepted Dick's decisions after Dick gave him some arguments and time to think about them, but this was different. They were acting like Jason had acted when he'd first met Dick, telling Dick what he needed without letting Dick speak for himself.

The truth was that Dick didn't know what he wanted, and if he didn't know then he didn't want anyone telling him either. Dick wanted, for once in his life, to figure out who he was and what _he_ wanted. 

"Grayson. I require your assistance." Damian's voice causes Dick to look up and see Damian standing by the library doorway.

"I don't want to talk to anyone." Dick answers and Damian rolls his eyes.

"Good, I don't want to talk. I require your assistance in my room, now put that insignificant thing you would call a 'book' away and follow me." Damian orders and Dick closes Jason's book before getting out of the chair. 

He follows Damian to his room, it's very different from Jason's. Damian's room was in a rich deep purple-red colour matched with the dark oak wood while Jason's was in a dark old brown colour with splashes of red and black. Damian points Dick to the bed and Dick immediately tenses. Was this a test? Was he going to-

"Sit down before you step on something and ruin my achievements Grayson. Now, which one of these would you deem more artistic?" Damian pulls forward two-

Paintings. 

Damian had painted two beautiful oil-paintings. The one in his left hand was an almost majestic fruit bowl with a strange darkness passing over it while the one in his right was a cornfield but all of it was rotten under a stark sunlight.

"I like the left one, it's happier." Dick finally says and Damian huffs.

"I do not create art for happiness. Now which one would you deem more-"

"I don't know a lot about art but I know that I like art that makes me happy. I think that's because art is about making people feel something and both of your painting made me feel something, it was just that I liked it more when I felt happy." Dick explains and Damian almost looks uncomfortable.

"That might be an acceptable explanation Grayson, but _why_ did it make you ' _happy_ '?" Damian counters and Dick closes his eyes.

The fruit bowl was almost reminding him of his time at Linden, by then he was someone that hadn't touched darkness and the fruit bowl symbolised that. The darkness trying to creep up on the fruit bowl while the fruit bowl still hadn't succumbed to it. The second painting was reminding Dick about Jack, living under Tony's protection and under better circumstances. Jack who got better food, better things and maybe even a better life, but he was still rotten. Rotten in that light that Tony gave him.

"It just makes me happy." Dick finally answers and Damian nods.

"Very well Grayson, I did not count on any artistic knowledge from you but you did help me. Patrol is in another hour, do you wish to continue our movie until then? I am in need of some low-intelligence entertainment." Damian concludes and Dick nods, following Damian out of his room after Damian puts down his paintings.

They find Tim in the dining room and tell him about their plan. Tim sits down with them, writing a paper on his laptop while they watch the movie. Dick doesn't realise that he's almost clutching Damian's shirt during the end until Damian tells him to "get off me Grayson, go be a damsel with Drake instead."

Dick does, he moves to Tim instead and Tim reminds him that it has a happy ending. Once the movie is finished Tim and Damian leave him to go on patrol and Dick decides to watch a documentary about polar bears. It helps ease his mind after the day he had.

"Master Dick? May I join you?" Alfred asks and Dick nods slowly and Alfred sits down next to Dick on the couch.

"Don't you have to be in the cave? In case they need any help." Dick asks and Alfred shrugs.

"They can handle themselves, I wished to ask you how you were feeling? Today has been a quite lively day compared to the previous week." Alfred states and Dick nods slowly.

"I don't know, I just... I don't know." Dick states and Alfred hums in reply.

"I just want- I want to be my own person" Dick manages, voice turning frustrated "I don't like when others tell me who I am, or what I need." 

"I understand. You have a right to your feelings and anything you wish to express in any sort of emotion." Alfred states and Dick nods.

"I just- I need to find out who I am. I don't want anyone to tell me anymore, I'm- I'm tired of other people deciding things about me." Dick explains and Alfred nods while Dick's eyes are glued to the polar bear in front of him on the tv.

"That is understandable. I will make sure that your wishes will be accepted and respected. Is there anything you wish you'd like to change about your current ways? Any questions you have or maybe some things you wish for us to know?" Alfred asks and Dick swallows.

"I don't know... Can I tell you something that you won't tell Jason?" Dick asks and Alfred nods again.

"Of course."

"Sometimes... sometimes I'm scared that I'm going to hurt Jason. I dream about it, about the Court forcing me to kill him, or Tony killing him because of me. I'm scared of... ruining him. I'm- I'm broken, I was broken before I was at the Court and I'm still broken." Dick struggles out and he feels Alfred tensing next to him.

"Master Dick, do you think you can look at me?" Alfred asks and Dick forces himself to obey.

"Nightmares are something that we cannot run from, we can only try to remember what is real and what is not. Master Jason is his own person, he makes his own decisions just like you make yours. You chose not to kill Redbird because you knew that he meant a lot to Master Jason and Master Jason decided to tell Master Bruce about his past to help him take down the Court of Owls. You will make decisions based off of the people you care for Master Dick, that is normal. However, you are not broken. You were hurt, but you are not broken Master Dick. If you were broken you would not be here, you are here because you're still fighting." Alfred continues, eyes gentle but firm at the same time.

"I don't want to hurt him again, I _can't_ hurt him again." Dick whispers and Alfred's kind eyes invite Dick to tell him.

"He got hurt because of me, I thought he died then but apparently he didn't. I don't know what I'm going to do if he gets hurt or-" Dick stops himself, he can't- he can't say it, he can barely think it.

"Master Dick, do you want to know what Master Jason told me about that ordeal?" Alfred asks and Dick bites his lip, nodding. 

What if Jason had told Alfred that he wished he never met Dick? What if Jason blamed him? He should, but it still made Dick's skin crawl.

"Master Jason told me that although he wished that he could have saved you back then, he knew that the ordeal had saved his life. After his wound was mended by the doctor at your centre, he was let out and that is when he met Master Bruce. Him helping you back then gave him the life he has today." Alfred explains and Dick is stunned.

That explained why he never saw Jason during the year he was stuck there. Dick had been at the centre for about eight more months until the Court had found him. 

"Does Jason... does he know how long I was there for after?" Dick asks, not finding anything else to say and Alfred sighs.

"Master Jason got himself back at the centre about a year after Master Bruce took him in. He was... distraught once he returned to the manor. He didn't tell us back then but I understand now that he was both disappointed and happy that you were not there." Alfred explains and Dick frowns.

"Why did he go back there? Why would he risk it?" Dick asks and Alfred sends him a thoughtful smile.

"Master Bruce and him got into a disagreement which led to him going back to where he used to live. The police found him and brought him back to the centre. He was only there for a week but he was quite sad for a long time afterwards." Alfred explains and Dick nods again.

"Do you- do you think he regrets it? Helping me?" Dick asks and Alfred sends him another warm smile.

"I believe that he does not regret it. I did not know Master Jason before he met you, but I knew him before you realised that you were back and once he found you. Master Jason is like the boy I got to know in the beginning; caring and warm. I believe that he lost himself during his time as Red Hood, and that he's found it again now when he's found you again." Alfred explains and Dick can't help the small smile.

"You think... you think I make him happy?" Dick asks and Alfred sends him a fond look.

"I believe you remind him that there is happiness at all." 

Dick's heart flutters. It feels nice, to know that he could do something for Jason like Jason had done for him. 

"Thanks Alfie." Dick smiles and Alfred nods.

"Of course, perhaps it's time for you to retire? It is almost ten o'clock." 

Dick decides to not think about it before he quickly moves forward, hugging Alfred with his arms around Alfred's neck. Neither one of them says anything, they hug until Dick lets go and scurries upstairs.

He brushes his teeth before changing into one of Jason's sweatshirts, it's the old worn red one that's big enough to reach Dick's knees. Dick snuggles up on the bed, grabbing Jason's pillow and holding it against his chest.

Dick still missed Jason, but maybe in a slightly different way. Like Tim had said, he might have more people now. That didn't mean that Dick liked Jason less, but it felt good to know that Dick's life could be a little bit more like Bambi's; with lots of friends and family instead of Jason having to do everything for him.

When Dick falls asleep he hugs Jason's pillow but the hole in his chest feels smaller, like it's slowly being filled by something Dick hasn't had since he was living at the circus,

a family.

**Author's Note:**

> This took a long time to write and I wasn't sure if I wanted to post it or just delete it but here we are. I guess this work is a bit of a "let's get the band back together" work where I'm just trying to work on everyone's relationship to Dick, including Dick's relationship to himself. This is not my best work, or anywhere close but I hope you still liked it!  
> ALSO know that the conversation between Dick and Tim was not fully accurate since Tim doesn't know what Jack did, just wanted to make that clear because that shit was f uped and wrong but Dick is a ray of sunshine-ish and wants to forgive and move on.
> 
> Let me know what you think!  
> Stay safe and eat hate (for breakfast!!!!!!!)  
> Kudos and Comments are always appreciated!


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